


Odds, Sods and Bookends.

by chewtoy03



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-07-12 19:19:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16001636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chewtoy03/pseuds/chewtoy03
Summary: An insight in to how Charity is feeling in the wake of the trial - set a month after.





	1. Self Distruction

**Author's Note:**

> So if anyone has started reading my other fic (Why does it rain on Utopia - yes I suck at titles) you'll note there are large time gaps as I move forward to the main crux of the story. This is basically an area for me to deposit the ideas that I could not quite jam in the story, all of them one shots unless stated otherwise.
> 
> Hope you enjoy,
> 
> CT

“It's 6am on the 11th of October and I'm Sally Jones reading you…” Charity's arm hit the button with a loud crash as she hit the snooze button on her radio, the loudness deafening in the silence surrounding her. Time. It didn't matter what time it was, she had had little sleep once more, the nightmare of the trial running through her brain on a constant loop, the words bouncing off her walls. She squeezed her eyes as she willed the thoughts to go away before turning her head to look at her peaceful girlfriend who lay beside her, not even the shrill of the alarm could wake her. Charity took in a deep breath and swung her legs over the side of the bed, last night was the first night in 4 weeks she hadn't had a drink, her body had become accustomed to the systematic pounding since the trial had ended. She winced as her feet touched the floor and the pain shot straight to her head, she still felt like death. Charity took up her day clothes and walked straight into the shower, the art of sleeping naked becoming a habit rather than post coital glow. She figured that there was no point putting on clothes to go to bed when all she was doing was sleeping under a cover, she would only waste more time if she dressed for bed, it was only Vanessa who saw her anyway. To be honest, it had been Vanessa who majoritively put her to bed the last few weeks, wrangling her long limbs out of clothes and pushing her in to another set, on week 2 she had pretty much given up. 

A large dollop of shampoo formed a puddle in her hand, the wetness from the shower causing it to slide around before slipping off her palm entirely. She tried again, moving her hand to see how much she could move it back and forth without the liquid shifting enough to drop off. On the fifth attempt she realised she had used nearly all the shampoo, sighing at her own stupidity she put the remaining on her head and began to lather. She dug her nails in to her scalp, enjoying the harshness of the sensation, she could feel every line she made through her hair. Clean, clean hair, clean body, clean mind. She audibly scoffed at the last thought, clean mind, no one who knew her would think that, she was utterly shameless and openly over sexualised. Was. She thought to herself. Bar the one roll around the night after the trial with Ness, Charity's sex drive had plummeted, she didn't want to try with Ness, she didn't deserve to feel loved. She had taken Ness that evening, she had taken her hard and fast, she left no time to think of the repercussions, it was the next morning when she realised how hard she had fucked Vanessa. She recalled turning over in the bed to see Ness’ neck covered in bruises and how when Ness moved from the bed her face winced as she moved to put on her underwear. Charity had never felt so ashamed, everything she had fought for in court she had done to her girlfriend that night and Ness had let her, apart from the odd moan or whimper she had stayed silent. She had preferred that, no questions, no talking, just physical contact and a chance to forget everything in that moment.

As she lathered her hair her mind floated back to that day with Cain, caught with her top half undone and one angry Scottish women staring at them. She told him to tell her he loved her, even if he didn't mean it. Christ she sounded desperate. And yet with Vanessa she had never heard those words, she had tried to extract them out of her, terrified of being rejectected if she said them first. If she didn’t love her, Charity had no idea why Vanessa was still with her, sitting through the court case listening to the most harrowing tale that was her sordid past, seeing her get drunk every night to the point of nearly collapsing before putting her to bed and still getting up and doing it all again the next day.

Noah was still living with Joe, probably for the best, she was a shit mother at the best of times let alone now. She still received the odd text or call off Noah but he hadn’t been by the pub or Tug Ghyll for the last few weeks, preferring to spend time with Debbie or Joe. He preferred it, Joe could offer him so much more than she could, every time she saw him he was wearing something new and expensive. As Charity applied the conditioner to her hair she reasoned that it was another child she didn’t have to look after, afterall Noah had been born when she was in prison, passed from pillar to post, it was no wonder why he didn’t want to be around her now. He now knew what his mother really was, a tart, a prostitute, a woman who slept with men for money. She hoped for Noah’s sake that Joe wanted to put him in private school, kids were horrible, she could only imagine the bullying in school. Squeezing her eyes shut, she thought it was just another person she had now hurt, her place in hell had definitely been reserved.

As the water poured over her head she heard the pad of small feet in the bedroom and the murmurings of Ness talking to the two boys. Moses had barely seen her these past few months, instead he spent his time divided up between Vanessa and Ross, he didn’t seem to notice. He had formed quite the attachment to her, of course he had. She was a proper mum, she cooked him dinner, she went to him in the nights, she held him when he was upset, such basic, fundamental things in how to rear your child and yet for her it was just another thing she had failed at. Charity hurried to wash the remainder of her body, the water was suddenly too hot and the cubicle far too small, she had to get out. Squeezing the worst of the water out of her hair she piled it up in to a bun before wrapping a towel around her body. Exiting the bathroom she stopped as she saw Vanessa and the two boys in the middle of the bed. Ness was cradling both boys, one under each arm as they all slept, she looked at them for a few moments before leaving the room, they didn’t need her interrupting.

\--

Charity had left the kids with Vanessa since the morning, she had dropped them up at nursery, gone to work, picked them and had now fed, bathed and put them to bed. Today she had a valid excuse, she had seen to the drayman, cleaned the entire pub and spent all day on the bar, she hadn’t even stopped for a break. She wasn’t hungry, she was never hungry these days, it was only when people forced food down her neck that she ate, most of the time it came back up a few hours later anyway. Chas had come down at 7pm to allow Charity to have an evening free, she had seen her cousin over the past few months and she was edging ever closer to the self destruct button. She hoped to god that somebody got to Charity before she got to herself, she’d tried but her sense of empathy had taken a twist since the baby and her talk to Charity had ended extremely badly. Charity said nothing to her as she left the bar, headed towards the back and closing the door with a resounding bang.

Charity’s hand hovered over the wine bottle, she desperately wanted the drink, the numbing sense that everything would be alright. She could block out everyone, she knew they were all talking about her, she could see the glances, the people who looked away as soon as she locked in eye contact. Charity reached for a glass, bringing it down to sit adjacent to the bottle before twisting off the cap. She sighed before making the decision to pour once more.


	2. Self Destruction Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I initally planned for this to be a one shot area but I found myself writing Charity's downward spiral, perhaps 4 parts or so before I continue to post the one shots.
> 
> Thanks for the comments - I was pleasently surprised!

“Happy anniversary!” Vanessa bounced in to the room much to Charity's dismay. 

She cracked open an eye and felt the harsh sunlight pierce straight in to her brain. “Ow.” She muttered, squeezing her eye shut once more until the pain ebbed to a dull thud. She was face down on the pillow, still fully dressed with no idea what time it was or day for that matter. 

“Happy anniversary!” Vanessa sat on the bed, the dip in the mattress causing Charity to wince. 

“What are you on about you daft mare?” 

“I got you a present.”

“I hope to god it's some paracetamol and a glass of water. My mouth is drier than the Sahara.”

“That's what happens when you drink nearly a whole bottle wine followed by a whiskey.”

“Leave me alone Ness.”

Vanessa sighed. “Charity I cannot keep doing this.”

“No one asked you to.” She snapped back, maneuvering herself upright, the motion being regretted instantly as the world began to spin around her. 

“You know what Charity, happy fucking anniversary.” Vanessa stood up, her patience had been whittled away to nothing this past month and she couldn't cope with much more. “I wanted one day with you, just one happy day. Forget it. I'll take Moses to nursery, again!” She emphasized the last part before standing up and closing the door with a resounding thud. 

\--

“Charity?” Vanessa stuck her head around the door to find her girlfriend slumped at the table once more, she could immediately smell the stale stench of alcohol hanging around the room. She sighed heavily and looked over at Moses who was quietly playing with his toys in the corner, Ness wandered over and knelt down next to him. “Hey Moses, how would you like to go over to Grampy Franks?” He nodded and she scooped him up with a smile before balancing him on her hip. “I think Mummy needs some time alone.” Vanessa picked his coat up and walked in to the bar area, Chas immediately looked up.

“What’s she done now?”

Vanessa rolled her eyes. “Just the usual. I’m gonna take him to my Dad’s for a bit. Aren’t we Moses.” She tickled him under the chin with a grin, Chas smiled as the little boy wrapped his arms around her neck. “We’re gonna have a sleepover with Johnny at Grampy Frank’s aren’t we?”

“She was on one earlier, I didn’t realise she had Moses. Sorry Vanessa.”

“It’s ok Chas, you weren’t to know.”

“You know we’re here for you don’t you love?”

“Thanks.” Vanessa smiled tightly as she rounded the end of the bar before heading out the door.

\--

Ness took a deep breath as she returned to the living area to do battle with Charity. The same routine had occured for the past few weeks, she would wake her up, they would argue, Charity would try and get another drink whilst Vanessa wrestled her to bed. Ness took a look at her girlfriend, apparently tonight would be no different.

“Charity, come on, wake up.” She nudged her as she walked past to the kitchen. No response. “Charity!” She called a bit louder this time getting a groan in response. “Come on, you need to get up, I don’t wanna put you to bed again.”

“I’m not a child Vanessa.” Charity’s head wobbled from side to side as she slowly came back to the land of the living. “Just go. Leave me alone.” Ness stood beside her girlfriend, loudly plonking a glass of water next to her head. “Jesus Vanessa.” She looked up through slits.

“And where is your son Charity?”

“I think Lydia has him.”

“You think Lydia has him?” She scoffed. “That’s funny because I’ve just seen Lydia in the bar and the only plus one she had was Sam.”

“Then he is probably with Ross.” She waved her hand before putting her head back on the table.

“Do you not care about your child?” Vanessa could hear her tone rising, she struggled to keep her voice on an even keel. “You are so drunk you don’t even know where your three year old son is! You’re bloody lucky he is such a good kid, he’s gone over to my Dad’s, he doesn’t need to see his mother drunk again!”

“Then why fucking ask Vanessa!” Charity slammed her fist on the table.

“Because I know you care, deep down I know your kids are everything to you.”

“Oh shut up for god’s sake Ness!” Charity sat back in her chair, the drunk part of her ebbing away and slowly being replaced with resentment, anger.

“Oh finally! She’s back! C’mon then Charity, let’s hear it! Let’s hear everything you have to say!” Vanessa’s volume was increasing with every word. “Let’s hear Charity go off at me again! I know this isn’t easy and I am trying to allow you to heal but instead you seem hell bent on destroying everything good you have in your life!”

“And that must include you, right Vanessa?” Charity scoffed, her eyebrows raising as she studied the glass of water in front of her.

“This isn’t about me! It’s about you and the state you are getting yourself in to every bloody night!”

“Oh leave out of it! You’re so happy you finally get to have a go at me, you’ve tiptoed around me for months! I don’t need treating with kid gloves Ness!”

“Really?” She laughed. “Because you have been acting like the world’s biggest teenager!”

“Right up your street then!”

“That’s not fair.” Vanessa spoke quietly, a steely edge edge to her voice. “Do not even go there.”

Unfortunately for Vanessa, Charity was still half cut and was quite content in pouring petrol on the situation. “Why? It’s true isn’t it? Our Noah is going to be legal soon, sure you don’t fancy-”

“Oh shut the fuck up Charity! I cannot stand you like this! I have tried being nice to you, I have been here for you but you have decided to hit the self destruct button! I don’t know what else you want?”

“What I want is for you to leave me alone and let me get on with my life!” Charity roared back. “Why do you have to interfere? Why do you have to try and control my life?”

“You know what Charity, congratulations! You win, I cannot do this anymore, I am trying to be here for you but I can't! You will not try to get help or even talk to anyone, so here you are, here's your prize. You are everything that you didn't want to be.”

“Oh finally! You get it! I told you from the beginning this was just a bit of fun and that I couldn't promise you that I wouldn't hurt you, well here you are Vanessa, here's your prize.”

The two women stared at each other almost daring for the next one to have a poke, Charity chose to pull a whiskey bottle from the top shelf before pouring the water down the sink and replacing the clear liquid with an amber one.. 

“That's it, just have another drink! What else would we do all day and night? Never mind any responsibilities that you have, fuck the pub, fuck the kids, fuck my girlfriend!”

“That's rich.” Charity snorted. “No fucking whatsoever of late.”

“Why can't you take anything seriously?”

“Oh what's the point?”

“Because you are surrounded by people who love you, who care for you. You've got the kids.”

“Fat lot of good they did me, half of them didn't even bother to show up in court.”

“I know what you went through was tough but you've got to start pulling yourself together, either you find help or you are going to find yourself without anyone.” She shook her head. 

“Oh big fucking whoop! I've been on my own my entire life, why change the habit of a lifetime!”

“I thought we had something Charity, I thought we had something between us, that we could be a proper family.” Ness shook her head. “Now I'm not so sure.”

“I never asked for any of this! You are always around, poking your nose in where its not wanted. I did this for you, you are the one who made me do all of this, you are the one who made me what I am today. So congratulations Vanessa, here's your prize for sponsoring Charity of the year.”

Vanessa felt the first twist in her gut, she knew it was Charity trying to hurt her, to push her away but it wasn't to say that it didn't hurt. “That's not fair and you know it.”

“No Ness, I am done, I am done being your little project to try and fix up. I am not some animal at your practise to try and fix up, maybe that's why, you've haven't had any real work for that last 6 months, perhaps you needed a new profession and you thought you would have a go as playing a family liaison officer or was it my personal therapist or perhaps just a friend who I could fuck when you needed holding? Did I prove enough of a distraction?” Charity almost laughed at her last statement, she smiled and it wasn't a smile that Vanessa had seen before and if she was honest, she didn't like it. 

Ness stood up, her face contorted, barely able to contain the emotion that was threatening to come out, she place the present on the side of the unit. “Get help Charity or so be it, we will be done.”


	3. Self Destruction - Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charity begins to turn herself around, Vanessa has a heart to heart with Rhona.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I have to confess I struggled writing this - one more chapter to go.

A week went by as Charity consoled her misery in umpteen bottles of gin, wine, whiskey or whatever she could get her hands on. Chas had laid the law down, she couldn't go on with Charity behaving like she was, whenever she did a shift behind the bar she would end up getting pie eyed and insulting customers. Her reputation preceded her more than usual, people would turn, whisper at her before Charity flew off into a rage. Chas had managed to catch her the last time but threatened if she did it again she would be out on her ear. She had been strung up by all her family and hadn't seen any of her children (or that she could remember) all she knew that Debbie was at hospital, Ryan was busy working, Noah was happy with Joe and Moses, well, as far as she was concerned Vanessa had pretty much adopted him. Charity sat in bed, this time with a mug of tea in her hand rather than a drink, she had contemplated trying to eat but the mere notion of that made her stomach flip, instead she had chosen to fill her mug with no less than five sugars to keep her energy levels up. For once she had managed a pair of tatty pajamas before sliding in to the neatly made bed, it had been like that for the last week, she hadn't been able to lift her body up the stairs so had spent the last week on the sofa, sleeping in a ‘S’ shape. Thanks to her own stupidity she was now half crippled and in an inordinate amount of pain, she reached over and popped a couple of ibuprofen before swallowing the lukewarm liquid. Charity eyed the box that had sat next to her bed for the past week, it had remained untouched, she had told Vanessa that she didn't want her, she didn't need her. It couldn't be further from the truth, she was lonely, she wanted someone to hold her hand, to keep her bed warm, someone to snuggled in to the back of when her nightmares felt like reality. Except, she couldn't. She had pushed and pushed so hard that the one person she truly loved now wanted nothing to do with her. Vanessa hadn’t spoken to her in a week, no texts, no calls, no communication. She thought back to that moment a week ago when she had finished laying in to her girlfriend and the look on her face, a fresh wave of shame balling itself in to a heavy feeling in her stomach.

Charity reached for the small box on the side, feeling the surprising weight before turning it over in her hands multiple times, her fingers tugging the neat bow holding the lid on. She smiled as a note fell out the top, it has been folded over several times on the outside it had her name in Vanessa’s neat handwriting, the ‘y’ crossing and forming a heart. She placed the box to one side and unfolded the note, it contained a few simple lines. ‘I have never met anyone who’s time keeping is as poor as yours. Try and be on time for our next date.’ Charity laughed to herself as she recounted the memory of poor Vanessa being left over an hour in a bar on her own because she had gotten her timings mixed up. She looked at the box once more and pulled back the soft cloth cover, she gasped at the silver watch which was nestled in between padding. It was beautiful, there was no gaudy, flashness about it, it was a classic design, understated and utterly unlike Charity. She pulled it out the box and turned it over, it was beautiful, Vanessa has clearly thought long and hard about the present, she noticed another slip of paper, picking it up carefully she opened it. ‘Let people see how beautiful you are, don’t hide behind diamonds.’ Charity felt a stray tear slip down her cheek, the thought Vanessa had gone to even in her darkest moments shone through. She turned the watch over and notice the date, exactly one year and a week ago engraved on the back, nothing more. One year, one year anniversary stuck in the cellar together which had snowballed into something that neither woman had been expecting. Christ she had been a fool, nobody had ever put up with her shit, no-one until she met Vanessa. Gorgeous, sweet, caring Vanessa who she loved with every fibre of her being. She needed to get her shit together, everything she had was barely holding on by a thread.

\--

“Do you prefer Charity or Miss Dingle?” Carrie the counselor was dumpy, mid thirties and looked like she gave about two seconds thought to her appearance before flying out the door each morning. 

“I prefer none of this if I am honest but I don’t really feel I have a choice.” Charity took a pause, cocking her head to one side and narrowing her eyes. “You’re gonna ask me why I don’t feel like I have a choice aren't you?”

“Would normally be my place to start but I sense in your case that perhaps that’s not where you want to.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing here! It’s a fucking mess!” She stood up, pulling her long hair back from her head, enjoying the scratching sensation. “My children don't want to know me, my business is going down the tubes, my cousin just lost a baby and my girlfriend hasn’t spoken to me in a week because of what I said to her last time!” She turned towards the counselor. “I know you’ve read my file, it makes pretty reading doesn’t it?”

“I have read your file Miss-”

“Charity, don’t call me Miss Dingle or I’ll be out that door.”

“Ok, Charity, I have read your file but this doesn’t have to be about that, it can be whatever you want it to be about.”

“I just said what was wrong! Are you deliberately being obtuse?”

“Would you like something to drink?”

“I’d like a bloody large gin and tonic but I don’t suppose you’d allow that?”

“No.” Carrie smiled. “Will a cup of tea suffice?”

“I suppose it will have to.” Charity sat down in the chair with her head in the hands, her emotions were all over shot, she wanted to smash the room up, scream at this woman stood in front of her, cry until she had nothing left in her. Maybe Vanessa was right, she needed this, she needed to process the last 42 years, she needed to understand why she felt like this.

“Here you are love.” 

Charity looked up from where she was sitting before taking hold of the mug. “Thanks.” Charity thought hard, she didn’t know how to even express what was going on inside her. She noticed a pen and paper that had been placed in front of her.

“Write down words, anything, if you can’t vocalise it, try writing it, it doesn’t even have to make sense.”

“My girlfriend told me to do that when I was trying to write a letter.”

“Who were you trying to write a letter to?”

“My son, Ryan, I abandoned him in hospital when he was 14.” Charity said it so flatly, she had said it so many times to so many different people. “He didn’t want to speak to me and I wanted to reach out to him, Ness told me to write down anything that came in to my head and then try and make sense of it in a letter.” Charity traced the lip of the mug as she thought. “She’s a bossy mare.”

“And Ness is your girlfriend?”

“Yes.”

“And what about the letter? Did it work?”

Charity shrugged. “Not at first. Vanessa stuck her oar in and got him and his adoptive mother round her’s to talk.”

“Does she often do that?”

“What, interfere?” She paused. “Yes.” Charity thought for a moment, Vanessa did interfere, and yes, it had caused many arguments but every time she had wanted to help. It never came from a bad place. “Never.” The mumble slipped from Charity’s lips.

“I’m sorry?”

She licked her lips slowly, mulling through the thought in her head. “Ness never did anything out of spite. It’s not in her nature. She gave me this.” Charity carefully undid the watch on her wrist, passing it across to Carrie.

“It’s lovely.” Carrie turned the watch over in her hands, taking a mental note of the date inscribed on the back. “Classic.”

“She put a note with it.” Charity reached out and secured the watch back to her right wrist, her thumb brushing over the face. Her thoughts travelled back to a few days ago when she was sat in bed after opening the gift. She cried, for the first time she felt ashamed. Ashamed at how she has treated everyone, ashamed she couldn’t even be bothered to look after her own children, ashamed that she had everything that she never had growing up and yet here she was, throwing her life away for a man who was now banged up. She hung her head, the tears dripping down her face and on to her sleeves. 

Carrie had silently observed for the last few minutes, she could see she was wrestling with something internally. Charity had come through to her via the the police, a recommendation following her trial. She could see the woman’s life on paper, it didn’t give the image of the woman sitting in front of her, for what she had been through she was expecting someone entirely different. “Tissues.” She placed the box on the table. Carrie saw Charity reach out and take one, her hair being used to conceal her face. She thought she would really have to probe to get Charity to open up, according to her file, the woman sat in front of her was fiercely protective of her family and would do anything to save that. “Charity?” Carrie kept her voice soft. Charity looked up, her makeup had made its way down her face, her eyes black. “What did the note say?”

“Two notes.” She corrected, her voice much quieter and a lot less strong. “She told me to let people see how beautiful I am, not hide behind diamonds. I’ve always been hungry for money, I never had any so any chance I would try and scheme. I’m not well off now but I suppose I have a lot to be grateful for. I half own a pub, I can afford a holiday now and then, go out for dates, treat my kids. The note made me realise what I already had. Vanessa told me that I couldn’t go on pretending everything was ok. It wasn’t going to work and the wheels on my box where going to come off.” She swallowed hard. “She was right.”

“How so?”

“I’ve been drinking-” Charity paused. “A lot. I mean every day, morning, noon and night. I haven’t been able to care for my children, Vanessa had a go at me the other day because I was so drunk I didn’t even know that Moses was in the room with me!” Charity dumped her tea on the table, sitting back to look at Carrie. “What kind of mother gets so plastered that she doesn’t know where her own son is! I berated Ross his dad for losing Moses when he was high on coke, I’m just as bad.” She shifted uncomfortably, her voice wobbling with the last couple of words, tears forming in her eyes once more. “What the hell is wrong with me?”

“I see someone who doesn’t know what to do next. If you didn’t want help then you wouldn’t be here.” Carrie said simply.

“That’s the point, I don’t know what to do. Aren’t you here to offer your advice on what I should be doing?” Carrie remained silent. “Are you going to offer me anything or is just another big waste of my time?”  
“I’m here because you asked to see me and I want to help.”

“Well you’re not doing a very good job!” Charity’s voice rose a few octaves, she stood up and marched off around the back of the sofa. 

“Charity. You came here because you are struggling. You asked for help and I am able to do that.”

“Clearly not!” The quick retort came flying back. “Why am I talking to a stranger? You don’t know me, you don’t understand how I feel!”

“Charity, I have looked at your file and you’re right, I don’t understand how you are feeling. You have asked for help because you cannot process all your emotions, so let’s start with some of them that you wrote down.” Carrie’s eye flicked over to the pad where a few words were written. 

Chairty‘s eyes tracked a path to the door; her escape route before letting out an audible sigh and heading back to the sofa. She picked up the pad, eyes reading the first word. “I’m angry.”

“At yourself or someone else?”

“Me, everyone.” She shrugged, defeated once more.

“How so?”

“I’m angry with my family, I’m angry that half of them couldn’t even be bothered to show up to my court case. I’m angry that I had to ask where they were. I’m angry that it has taken me until now to get the courage to stand up against Bails. I’m angry that it took my girlfriend 6 months of knowing for all of this to spill out. I’m angry at Vanessa for making me go through all of this. And most of all I am angry that I am sat here with you having to go through it all again.”

Carrie nodded, smiling inwardly that she had nudged the door open.

\--

Vanessa was sat at her desk, bored out of her skull at the stack of paperwork that was in front of her. She was grasping a cup of tea between her hands and staring at the wall. 

“Hard at it?” Rhona rounded the door to the surgery and Vanessa turned her head to look at her best friend before smiling and placing her cup to the side.

“Sorry Rhona.”

“It’s ok, I can see you are in deep thought.” Rhona laid a hand on Ness’ shoulder and squeezed before turning to leave. “You know you can talk to me.”

“I know, thanks Rhona.” Vanessa placed her hand over Rhona’s, tucking her fingers under her palm. “But I wouldn't know where to begin.”

“Ness, I’m your best friend, I want to be here for you, you were so good to me all those years ago. You’ve been so quiet these last few weeks, I’m worried about you, you’ve been so good to Charity but I can’t see anyone doing the same to you.” She felt Vanessa’s hand slip from her grasp, the lines across her face furrowing deeper. “I think we need to get you a fresh cup of tea.” She took the mug and headed towards the kitchen. “Come on, chuck the emergency notice on the door and we will have an hour to ourselves.” 

Vanessa duly followed before drawing the chair settling herself next to the radiator in the kitchen. “I’m alright Rhona, really I am.”

“And that’s why you’ve suddenly gained an extra child and been running around like a madwoman? I heard you were serving at the pub the other day as well? I like Charity but she is using you, she’s got to pull her act together.” Rhona dumped the tea in front of her friend with a loud thump.

“And you don’t think I tried that? I wasn’t particularly happy myself but I am not going to let Charity ruin her business, Faith came and gave me a hand with the boys and caught me yelling at Charity. She was plastered, I couldn’t get any sense out of her, she just walked off. I could have thumped her.” Ness picked the mug up and looked at Rhona. “I haven’t spoken to her in a week, Moses is staying with me, Ross or Dad.”

“What’s really eating you up inside?”

Vanessa let out a loud sigh. “She forgot our anniversary, she was so drunk that she couldn’t remember it has been a year since we kissed.”

“Ness-”

Vanessa held a hand up. “Don’t. I haven’t spoken with her for a week, no calls, no texts, nothing. She hasn’t even bothered with me or even her children! Noah’s been texting me asking if I am doing lunch on Sunday. I can hardly say no to the poor kid. He’s missing his Mum!”

“I know when I tried speaking with her she shut me down. I thought you might have some luck.”

“I tried Rhona, I really tried, a couple of nights after the trial I told her I didn’t think I could help her, that she needed professional help. She just shut me down, was far more interested in taking me to town and getting bladdered. I could just see this beautiful woman falling apart and there was nothing I could do.”

Rhona observed her friend, she looked broken herself, Ness was naturally a strong person and her heart was always in the right place. The trouble was in this place she was getting used as a punching bag and Rhona could see she was close to her limit. “You still love Charity right?” Vanessa’s eyes darted around the room. “Or not? What are you not telling me?”

“I do love Charity.”

“I sense a ‘but’ coming.”

Vanessa let out a loud puff. “We’ve never said it.”

“I’m sorry?” Rhona did a double take. “You have never said I love you to her?”

“She gets frightened so easily.” She shrugged. “I didn’t want to scare her away.”

“You know she loves you right? I mean everyone can see it. Everyone can see Charity getting softer. She practically turns to goo when you are with her.” Rhona furrowed her brows for a moment. “What is wrong with you?”

“Gee thanks Rhona! Not very good at sympathy are you?” 

“Sorry Ness, I’m just surprised that’s all. Everyone always joke how loved up you two are.”

Vanessa shrugged. “I don’t know for how much longer.”


End file.
